How many of us are on the opposite side of the norm: we've lived our lives completely happy with our bodies - reveling in them even - and then, suddenly, something happens and our physical appearance is changed. We lose (or so it feels) who we are, who we've been, and no one, even our spouse, looks at us the same way again.
Can we regain lost ground? Can we return, though time runs away from us at alarming speed, to what we knew, to how we were?
How many of us have scars that criss-cross our bodies, scars we're at first self-conscious of, and only later, when we've had time to breathe through the crisis, do we realize these are our Life Lines. Without them we'd not be here. And we no longer feel compelled to hide them, to look for clothes that conceal them, to make excuses. We are survivors, and we are proud.
Yet a body out of commission for a long time...no exercise....the brunt of illness...of battle...what was once taut and toned and proud is now mushy and not nearly as limber....where we used to pour over the Victoria Secret catalog dreaming of what we'd buy and wear proudly (take off proudly!) we now worry about the room being dark enough (totally?) and about whether or not the ridges and bumps of life-saving procedures will be revered for the sacred spots they are, or avoided as the slightly gross things one has already expressed to us they are.
We can go from being overweight to being slimmer, and move into having pride in our selves and our bodies. What about those of us who move the other way? Who have always had pride, felt sexy, desired, and beautiful, and now don't?
How do you do get back to that? Talk to me, please. I know I'm blessed beyond reason - yet I cannot accept that this part - the senuous, sexy, wanton, womanly part of my life is over (as I knew it). How have you adjusted and regained that sense of self?
Is it really a matter of just jumping back in? Whatever it's a matter of - it's time.
2 comments:
I too have experienced the circumstances you describe, but I've been lucky enough to have found women who responded to me as a person, not just a body.
As I'm sure you've read, "Erotic" (with a capital E) is mostly in our minds. Age, with its associated challenges, makes this even more evident. But one of the natural developments is the increasing awareness that looks, in SPITE of what the culture has taught us, are NOT everything.
These days it can take ALOT of effort and time to cull through the myriad online personalities. But as a woman, especially one who APPRECIATES her erotic self, you have a TREMENDOUS advantage. There are so few women who acknowledge an interest in eroticism THIS ALONE -- as you MUST have realized, will attract a tremendous amount of interest. It may take time for the right person to appear, but in my experience, active searching eventually results in (some) success.
In the meantime, let me encourage you to expand your onanistic explorations. A well-developed auto-erotic awareness will, when the time comes, better enable you to share with your partner(s) the things that will enhance both your experiences.
But above all, take the initiative. Men are terrified of being accused of sexual harassment and few of us -- given that we often share the view that we are no longer desirable -- don't want to embarrass anyone or ourselves with unwanted advances.
I misspoke...instead of "few of us..." I meant to say "and most of us...etc."
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